that thoughtful mood

it's been a stressful week.
so many arguments, tears, feelings..
i'm quite drained.

it's been 2 months since i last self harmed.
when i think of it like that, it scares the shit out of me..
everything has changed.
it used to be just me and Jee. and eventually Mali.
that was it. us three were the only ones who knew when i did it, how bad/how many..
now everybody knows.
and that's weird....
if someone had told me a year ago that everyone i know would know..i don't think i would've believed them tbh.
it's good that im in recovery.
i just wish the months would slow down.
dates are a trigger..i never even realised until i was stuck in the "get-to-a-month-and-slip-up" rut which lasted...idk..ages...months and months...
ha.
it's weird.

i just realised why i don't like writing to this..
i always sound so depressive and down, haha!
in general day-to-day life i'm more than content.
i guess it's just the bad side of me that comes out in this blog xD

i want some baggy jeans.
and baggy tops.
and my mum's sweater she's refusing to give me.
and some DM's.
and some mints.
and a snuggle.

shall stick some pics on.

i love you Hayley <33 xxx