cross your mouth and hope to live.

there's been some good days this year.
going out round Chez, my birthday, George's party, sleepovers, trips to the cinema, days out..
there's also been some bad days.
overall....2010 hasn't been my favourite.
and if it wasn't for the good stuff..i'd say it's been the worse year so far.

there are no words to describe how i feel.
i float.
i get by...just.
i cope.

i can survive for now.
but i'm not enjoying it.

i don't want to see anyone...

but i force myself to.

she still won't talk to me.
it's been about 3 months now.
it's nearly christmas...
my first christmas without our friendship.
then my first new years.
we've never not spoken in so long.
we've never even not seen each other in so long.
in...9 and a half years...
i don't know what to do.

i should be happy.
i have a lovely boyfriend.
good friends.
a job.
3 university acceptances.
i'm getting my Maths GCSE finally next year.
i'm getting £1500 next year.
i turn 18 next year.
i start driving lessons soon.
and it's nearly christmas.

i can see why i could be happy.
but i'm not.
i'm dissatisifed because my life doesn't include her anymore.
and i would swap the rest of my life for one day of our friendship, over 70 more years without it...