no feelings..

hey there.


well, ive finally realised that me and josh are over.
i spoke to him last night too.
that was.....hard. :/
this whole thing is like what i went through this january with matt....but about 1000 times worse.
my whole being hurts.
and i havent been able to breathe in a while.





went to see new moon today.
that was a mistake.
ive always said ...him and edward share some qualities, just the mannerisms.
and it reminded me of him.
flinching.





i came out of the cinema back in my zombie state.
not particularly nice.





now ive got time to think about him again.
........i dont have any words to describe this sense of loss.
its like nothing ive ever experienced.
no pain, just numbness, absolutely nothing.
i can feel that i should be feeling things, pain, upset, love for my friends, gratefulness.
but i cant feel anything.





i dont want to love again.



i havent decided how im gonna get through this yet.
im still working on a plan.
at the moment, im just keeping myself busy all the time.
thats why im looking forward to college tomorrow.
being around people always cheers me up.
but noone understands just how much this hurts.
i put on a brave face.





even though scot says he's felt heartbreak before.
i dont think he's had it like this, not with me anyway.



i think my cut's gonna scar.
i hope not.





and music.
i cant listen to love songs.



it hurts to hear louise talk about him.





everything about my life this year has been about him.
since april.
i cant even remember what i was like before then.





he doesnt love me.
he may care about me enough to not want to hurt my feelings.
but thats it.





i dont know if it's a good or bad thing that he doesnt.
good because i can try and get over it.
bad because it hurts.





i decided on a clean break.
ouch.



muse.
they're safe.
my personal haven.
and fall out boy.
thank god for their pointless songs that noone can understand.





short term, i breathe, eat, drink, sleep, be brave.
long term, i cant see what's gonna happen.
and i dont like being blind.
its worrying.





i was right.
i told them i was gonna end up malicious.
i am.
im sorry scot for being nasty.
get on with your life.
noone deserves me as such a burden.





but ill find someone else to burden with my problems.
thats inevitable.
im such a nasty person.
i dont mean to be.





i guess this is my just dessert.
yey.

p.s. here come the tears..

Love bipolar..

Yeah i'm listening to Katy Perry - Hot and Cold (Y)

Uggh.

Well, me and Josh broke up. D;

bleurgh.

Last night was pretty awesome (Y)
Apart from breaking up obvs.
But me and Jee (Jess H) went down to the park and met up with Jess T, Annie, Lauretta, Scot and later Lou and Jo came down. (Y)
Was bloody funny!!
Annie drunk is SOOOOO funny!! :L

Then Josh came to the park cause he'd gone on my facebook and seen some emails that me and Scot had sent each other. :/
Scot's fell out with me now cause he feels Jee has replaced him.
And atm, she has.
She's my little light in this big black hole.

Feel crap today.

Im wearing my pj top, shorts, smudged eyeliner, hair that looks like i've been dragged through several bushes (oo err) and tummy ache D;
Bleuurgh.

Anyway...got nothing else to write on this.
Im just not feeling anything at the mo.

Toodles,

Lora x

obtw, the pic is of me and jee.

I will never surrender :)

Hallooo darr spazzaloons ;D

Well many groovy things have happened recently.
:)

Went to Bibbs' t'other day.
Was so much fun to just hang out and eat pizza and mac cheese :D
And pineapples! ;)
Hahahaha :P ive missed that loon!!

Me and Josh had another fall out t'other day.
He called me annoying? :/
Nice or what? :L
Fortunately im over it now.
Im lovely like that ;) ^^

Went to see New Moon earlier ;D
Was SOOOO ace!!!!!!!
:P better than twlight!
Me and Lh were at the front of the queue, and as mutti gave the man the tickets, she shouted RUUUUN, and we did!!! :L we were first inside the theatre room and got first choice of seats!!! xD ahahahaha :P was tres amusing ;D

Oh, went shopping in notts today :)
Ended up getting mousse foundation, powder, mascara, a Bullet For My Valentines tee, a black (slightly see through) long sleeved tee (that lh also got! ;D) and some MITTENS! :D
Pink!!!
And knittedd!!!!! xD love them!! :P hahahahaha.

Todays been pretty darn fun tbh ;D
Me and Lh are just lounging around tomo probs :L
And hopefully dying my hair!! :P ahaha.

Sleeping over hers tomo too :)

College is pretty ace these days :)
I still miss school loads, but college is great ;D

Lh got into bilbs btw :)
Hehehe ;D

Right...tis all for now me thinks :)
Write again soooooon! :)

Toodles!!

Lora :) xx

Hurrah :)

Ahhh bonjour mon pallies ;)
Well today has been a larf and a half :D
Went round Josh's this afternoon and played on the wii with his sister until he got back from col.
Yeah i dont have col on fridays ^^ (h5)
Then we just chatted, watched scrubs, friends etc. ;D

My lovely mutti has tidied my roomy so now i can watch tele!!!
Haha :D
And she stuck my 3d poster of Twilight up ;)
Hurrah! :D
Ohh and she bought me these twi stickers especially for ds lite's that are now living on my ds :D
But i havent put the front one on because i didnt wanna cover up the heart i stuck on months ago ^^

Sooo i should be getting a new phone next weekend :)
Oooo and Lh is coming down on thursday!
She has her bilbs interview ;)
And we're (hopefully both) going to see New Moon :)
I defo am with muttidoodle, but Lh has to book the tickets yet!
Get phoning girl! :D

Went to Jodie's with Lou last night. :L
Scot wanted us to call for him..and we needed a brolley, so we did.
It was POURING it down! :O
Havent seen it rain so much in yonks!!!
But then we made him walk back in the rain by himself...
and stole his brolley ;)
......which we broke 5 minutes later!!
Hahahahahahaha :D
But later fixed!!!!! :D
Then Josh met us at Jodie's and we chit-chatted ^^

At my vatis tomoooo. :)
Hopefully going somewhere warm and dry!
LOL :)

Obtw i have a college trip to The Deep next wednesday ;)
Ahh next week is gonna be ace :D
Normal days Monday and Tuesday...
But a trip on wednesday...
And thursdays are always dead short ;D

Hurrah!

*yawn*
well im shattered...
And im only doing this blog because Wolf wanted me to yesterday. :L
www.scottysnippets.blogspot.com

Niiight loons ;)

Toodles!!

Lora :) xx

Supermassive Black Hole :)

Bonjour :)
Havent written to this in aaaages!! ;O
Aha..:P
How many days?
Hmm...
7 ;O LOL :D

Well it's been a really good half term :P
I am now ADDICTED to Muse :)
Supermassive Black Hole
Uprising
Hysteria
Plug In Baby
Guiding Light
LOVE THEM! :D

Annie came back to mine for a bit today :) she wanted a rattie cage as hers were fighting so i've lent her the hamster cagey :) aha.

So..half term..:)
Monday - Hmm...cant remember what i did! Hmm...:P
Tuesday - Went into Notts shopping with mutti :) she spilt my 7up cherry :/ and drank most of my milkshake! When i payed for it! And offered to buy her one!!! But she did buy me a blue hairbow and a blue sparkley beret :D then went to vati's, then he dropped me off at Lh's xD
Wednesday - I dont think me and Lh did a lot :L reckon that was the day we slept in til about 11ish and just lounged around til mutti picked us up to take us to Kirsty's :) then me, Lh and Kirsty all went round her dad's and met Ryan (Y) and played with her puppy :D sooo cute! Ryan is really funny :L and such a good sport seeing as we totally wrecked his bed! LOL! :D
Then Kirsty slept over mine with Lh :)
Thursday - Me, Lh and Kirst went into Derby for a spot of shopping :D was tres fun xD then we slept over mine again :P
Friday - Dragged our butts out of bed, cant actually remember what we did :L i dont think it was a lot tbh xD then slept over Lh's
Saturday - Finally got up at about 1.30pm :L LOL! Went back to mine and me, Lh and Bibbs had a funky sleepover :D
Sunday - Bibbs went early in the morning and we met Russ at Tescooo to drop Lh off. :(

It seems SO weird not seeing her everyday now! I miss her! And i only saw her yesterday!!! LOL! Seems like about Tuesday already xD hahaha. :P

Tonight Josh came round for teaaa :) i haven't seen him at all this week 'cause he went on holiday!! :( tut. C'est tres tres gai.

Hmm..tomo should be adequately boring me thinks :L
Got Farming and Livestock, IOLP, Ritaaaaa for Behaviour (i think) and Health.
But Becky's left now! :/ gahh.
Today was actually fairly good :) blodge was boring, obvs. :L
But Handling and Husbandry Theory was good because we held the ratties and mice :D
And a mad gerbil attacked me! LOL!!!

Have finished the assignment in for tomo so don't need to worry about it now :) wooo! :L aha.
But need to find a way to get it to college..hmm..i soooo need a memory stick!! D;

Right now chums :) i'm off me thinks. :D
Btw, all of you lot listen to Muse ;)
They are AWESOME!!!! :D

Toodles!!

Lora :) xx