yesterday i had a really good day.
i went to Derby with Hayley and got my anti-tragus pierced.
which KILLED!!!!
cartilage piercings always feel dead hot for ages after, like there's a naked flame right next to it x__x
anyhoo, i was fine all of last night..
and then i had a really weird dream this morning. it's been recurring for as long as i can remember...but i can only remember bits of it. but it was about Lh. i walked into her room and laid in her bed like it was completely normal, and in the dream i'd been doing that for months and she'd just been sitting at her makeup table with her back to me ignoring me.
but in this one, she actually turned around and looked at me. she got up, and came and sat on the bed next to me, smiled, and told me we'd start afresh. we hugged...and that's when i startled myself awake.
like, i really violently jumped in my sleep.
when i realised it was me who'd woken myself up, i remembered my dream and my mood just dropped in an instant.
i hate these dreams about her. they're so frustrating.
this whole situation is so frustrating!
i don't understand it!!
how come i have to suffer, it's me who has to cope with fucking dreams like that, and my family saying "ooh do you still see much of Laura?"
no. i fucking don't.
she doesn't want anything to do with me, ever.
if she meant everything she used to say, about loving me, about us being more than stepsisters and best friends...why isn't she hurting like i am?
she's my soulmate.
it's the only thing i've ever been sure of.
the only person i've always been able to rely on.
now that's gone.
and i still don't feel like me, 9 months on.
