Laura Ann Heard, 20th March 1994.

Laura Ann Heard.
child of Sally-Ann and Russ.
brother; Daniel.
half-sister; Emy.

about 5"3, naturally medium/dark blonde hair. size 8/10 with size 5/6 feet.
likes the colour green, muse, going to gigs, pizza with coleslaw, her boyfriend, dogs, horse riding, Friends and Blades of Glory.
lives in Heanor, originally from Blurton, Stoke and was born in Beeston.
used to fancy Bart Simpson and TJ from Recess.
likes indie-rock.
has the world's most frustrating camera that takes batteries instead of being charged.
has two dogs, Barney and Poppy.
lives with her Dad and soon-to-be-step-mum Kelly.

hm.

hello 2011...

howdy y'all....well..this is my first post of 2011.

i may start doing this blog more often, i forgot i enjoyed writing in it.

updates:

• i go out with a lovely lad called Luke Hart. we've been together for.....a month and..*works out*...11 days. ^_^



• myself and Luke just booked tickets to go see Murderdolls and Black Veil Brides at Rock City on Februrary the 13th.



• i got a netbook for christmas, along with lots of cupcake stuff, a few clothes, choccies and cute accessories :)



• i've been put on meds for the first time, funfun!



• Lh still isn't talking to me..it's been about 4 and a half months now.



• i'm really behind on my coursework...

soyeah.

i miss JeeJee.....
i don't know what to do with myself...hm.

i'm meant to be in the shower getting ready to go meet up with Luke but i really can't build up the effort to....

pip pip x

cross your mouth and hope to live.

there's been some good days this year.
going out round Chez, my birthday, George's party, sleepovers, trips to the cinema, days out..
there's also been some bad days.
overall....2010 hasn't been my favourite.
and if it wasn't for the good stuff..i'd say it's been the worse year so far.

there are no words to describe how i feel.
i float.
i get by...just.
i cope.

i can survive for now.
but i'm not enjoying it.

i don't want to see anyone...

but i force myself to.

she still won't talk to me.
it's been about 3 months now.
it's nearly christmas...
my first christmas without our friendship.
then my first new years.
we've never not spoken in so long.
we've never even not seen each other in so long.
in...9 and a half years...
i don't know what to do.

i should be happy.
i have a lovely boyfriend.
good friends.
a job.
3 university acceptances.
i'm getting my Maths GCSE finally next year.
i'm getting £1500 next year.
i turn 18 next year.
i start driving lessons soon.
and it's nearly christmas.

i can see why i could be happy.
but i'm not.
i'm dissatisifed because my life doesn't include her anymore.
and i would swap the rest of my life for one day of our friendship, over 70 more years without it...

favourite video viral?

favourite video viral?

Answer here

KoRn ♥

KoRn last night were AMAZING. ♥
i got some videos of them, but my gay phone hasn't came up with them -____-
it does that sometimes.
i know they're on my memory card..but it wont let me see 'em...& my pc can't recognise video/music files....so will have to wait 'til i'm either round someone's house or i get my laptop for xmas! xD we'll see which one comes first. ;)

they might appear before then anyway..that sometimes happens.

♫ a lonely life where noone understands you, but don't give up, because the music do.
^____^

the pics are up on facebook, but i'll attach a few onto this :)

it was really nice to meet Mali + Josh ^___^
bit scary to begin with 'cause i had to walk over to them and i was having a nervy b inside. :L
but they're both really nice :)
her and Josh make a super sweet couple.

hmmm i never know what to do on Mondays.
probably should be doing an assignment....but CEEEEEBS.
ugh. practical tomorrow.
-___-
butttttt dog grooming :D yey. ♥
i thoroughly enjoy that lesson ^_____^

i watched Bride Wars earlier for the first time and ended up bawling :
at the end, it was going on about finding that person who will always be there for you and understands yourself better than you do etc, they could come in the form of a spouse or best friend...........
the last bit was the bit that got me........
i don't really know what to do atm.
it's all very well Jee saying i have best friends, i have her, Bibbs + the college lot etc....
but you can't just wipe away 9 years?
NINE whole years of my life.
9 out of 17.
that's the majority of it.
over half of my life..
so i don't really know.....that's all i can say, it's hard to explain.
i'm just kind of floating about between people.

not that she cares.
she's obviously so caught up in him that our friendship doesn't mean anything to her anymore.
ho hum eh.
it's not me in the wrong.

i'm actually glad about going to Lincoln next year.
or wherever i'll end up going (but hopefully Lincoln!)...
just to get away from everything.
there's too many memories everywhere.
memories of everyone..of happier times.
i just need a fresh start.
so i'll trip my way through college.
& hopefully stumble into university next September..

ohand something i realised this morning....
i've been signed up for Functional Skills Maths on a Thursday evening, like 5.30-8 or something.....
but my counsellor said the Group Anxiety Therapy i've also been signed up for is on a Thursday evening...
and that i'm not allowed to miss any :.......
soooooooooo what am i meant to do?
if i miss Maths there's the risk of not getting into Uni or at least not onto the higher course.
but if i don't go to the anxiety group...i have to live with my head screwing around with me even longer.....they only do the group once every so often...and i'm not sure if the next one will be on a different day......

so i really don't know what to do................
advice would be welcome.
kthx.

xx

the pussycat dolls version of Tainted Love is SHOCKING.

why am i listening to this? -___- it's SHIITTTTEEEEEEEEE.

hello bloggers. thought i'd treat you with a post seeing as i don't think i've posted since August :)
a lot has happened :L
everything's kinda floaty atm.
me and Lh have fallen out BIGTIME.
we haven't spoke in like 3 weeks.......

Izzy's bday on Sunday.
and KoRn on Sunday night!!!! :D
Vati's driving me up to Manchester and back! ♥ i lavv himmm ^-^

need to buy IzBiz some mice/winter white hamster tomorrow...>.<.

why the hell am i listening to Rihanna? Pon De Replay...AND it's the "Full Phatt Version"...
dearlord..:
BIBBS. i'm shocked you have this on your itunes!!! xD

i get to meet Mali on Sunday. :o
will be nice :D hopefully not awkward : i'll hide behind Jee >.<>

rate looking forward to it :D

have bought Jee 5 things so far for her birffday (y)
ooo i do splash out on her! i never buy so much for one person!
mainly because i can't afford it! :L

muchooo lovooooo all you sexy minxes.
i'll do a blog monday to tell you about meeting Mali+Josh and KoRn :D

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

doctor doctor it's getting worse again.

its coming back.
like a lurking presence.
the feeling of being completely overwhelmed.
it came back just.
....
and now nothing.
something in my freaky body blocks everything.

if you ignore it, it'll go away.
it's not real.
this isn't actually me.

i don't feel like me.
it doesn't feel like all this shit has happened to me.
it's like im looking down on someone's life and things tend to cock up for them.

tears.

...
x

swept under your mum.

my birthday was fun. :)
party was coooool and got some lovely prezzys...

just feeling a little...meh..atm.
have been since about 4 tbh...
my mood went rate downhill after Lh left..

hm.

do you actually want me to go along too?..
it doesn't feel like it...

x

the original whorechild.

jeepers creepers, i haven't written on this properly in aaaages man :o

thought i'd treat all you little bloggers to a post (y)
mainly because a miss Ellie Martin told me to a few weeks back at George's party ><>

so im going to the doctors tomorrow...funfun.
mum tried to book me into counselling but you have to get a doc's referral first or something...
so it's gonna be larfs all round tomo...
not looking forward to it at alll.
i love my doctor..but when i tried to talk to him about my mirror phobia before, he just gave me such a look..urgh....-cringe-

i think there's an moth in my pants....D:

saturday..hmm...OH it's nanny's birthday :) so myself, my nanny (obvs), Arwah, my Uncle Mike, my mum and my mum's boyfriend are going out for a meal :) a carvery...of course.
i don't even like carverys all that much? :<..>

sunday ill be at my daddyooooo's. hopefully picking up my prezzys..tho im not too hopeful as on Tuesday he asked what i wanted...o____o...7 days before Father? ragh!

monday, im appa meeting Annie and Jee in Derby at around 2pm to pick 'em up. charmin, i have to pay to go and pick them up, despite them knowing how to get to mine? xD plus Jee never meets me in chez >___> cheeky sod.
nvm, i dont mind that much. i'd just get bored and fidgety waiting for them anyhoo :L

need to arrange when Bibbs is gonna get to mine also...and K's coming sometime in the evening i reckon?
then...sleepoveeeerrrrrrr!!!! :D

tuesday, my birthday! ♥ woowoowoo.
17...scary man. :
16 was bad 'nuff D:
you can't be immature at 17.....:L

btyh, im really happy with my muvverrr (y) she's kindly agreed to sleepover her boyf's monday and tuesday so i have 'nuff room for people sleeping...and she's buying some drinks :o which i wasnt expecting her to do! ...hmm..need to force her to take me shopping tomo...i wanted some pink and black stripey tights...god knows where im gonna find them!!! >_<..

...hmmm...noone's talking now :L

sometimes it feels like everyone is ganging up on me...
everyone's so desperate to talk to me about my "problem" with SH...everyone wants to know why and all the reasons......and literally everyone is getting involved.
my mum, my dad, my boyfriend's mother???!! my auntie, my cousin, my best friends..now my doctor..then a counsellor....aaarghhhhhhh.
but noone understands?
well..some people do...
Jee does.
and i know Mali does..but i don't talk to her often so it doesn't count really.
i just wish everyone would get off my back a bit.
Bibbs and Lh are 'worried' or w.e.
ditto my 'rents.
ditto EVERYONE.
it's like it's a new thing..a new occurance...
like it hasn't been going on for months....11 of them infact..
and it's only just kicking off..and i don't like it.
if it was so bad..i wouldn't be happily..ish.....sitting at the computer now.
it's been overexaggerated and it's just making it worse.
im only not now because there's so many people 'keeping an eye on me' that it's not worth being found out....

everyone tells me they're disappointed in me, or begs me to stop, or tells other people that i've changed and they want the old me back.....

i understand that everyone is upset about it....but what about me?
don't they think it doesn't hurt me to know they've been saying that?
to know they're disappointed or worried and begging me to stop.
or saying to my family that i've changed....beyond recognition?
IM STILL HERE.
........
im just a little different.

it's my body.
it's my life.
ill tell who i want.
just leave me be....

it's not even that bad...i don't usually do it everyday....only when im going through a rough patch.
it isn't seriously injuring me.
hardly scarring me..
only sometimes.
in 5 years, noone will know.

i don't have any reasons.
it's noone's fault.
it's only mine, and i accept full responsibilty.
so please everyone, stop trying to take that from me....
in the politest way possible, it's got nothing to do with you.

and just because i don't confide in you..doesn't mean i dont love you.
aimed at Lh and Bibbs.
you guys have been my best friends for years and years....9year and 6 years infact...
i owe both of you so so much....
but you don't understand..
and im glad you don't.
because i dont want you in my mess.
i don't want to drag you down with me!
im still here. ♥
i just can't tell you about it.... because you get upset..or angry....
and i can't be responsible for that....because it'll just make it a hundred times worse....

JeeJee, you seem to be the only person who understands me these days...though you still don't understand 100%.
but if i don't..how can i expect anyone else?
thankyou so much for everything you've done.
♥

im gonna beat this....
i don't know how long it will take...
because i don't want to stop.
and i still need it.
my view of everything is probably 'clouded' or w.e.

-sigh-

pip pip xx

ggblo.....TUT....I FORGOT HOW MUCH OF A DOUCHE BLOGGER IS ON MOBILES-....IF I MAKE ANY MISYAKES-...MY BAD....AND NO..I CANT EVEN TAKE IT OUT OF CAPS?!!ANYHOO.....I HAVENT BEEN ON TGIS IS DONKS....*THIS IN DONKS..EVEN D:!!!   IVE DECIDED...IM ABSOLUTELY FUCKING SICK TO DEATH OF MEN...IM COMPLETELY DISTURVED...*DISTURVED..FROM TONIGHT :((....MSJFRUMSPKMTIPXMWKQURUOIWYXNAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!