no feelings..

hey there.


well, ive finally realised that me and josh are over.
i spoke to him last night too.
that was.....hard. :/
this whole thing is like what i went through this january with matt....but about 1000 times worse.
my whole being hurts.
and i havent been able to breathe in a while.





went to see new moon today.
that was a mistake.
ive always said ...him and edward share some qualities, just the mannerisms.
and it reminded me of him.
flinching.





i came out of the cinema back in my zombie state.
not particularly nice.





now ive got time to think about him again.
........i dont have any words to describe this sense of loss.
its like nothing ive ever experienced.
no pain, just numbness, absolutely nothing.
i can feel that i should be feeling things, pain, upset, love for my friends, gratefulness.
but i cant feel anything.





i dont want to love again.



i havent decided how im gonna get through this yet.
im still working on a plan.
at the moment, im just keeping myself busy all the time.
thats why im looking forward to college tomorrow.
being around people always cheers me up.
but noone understands just how much this hurts.
i put on a brave face.





even though scot says he's felt heartbreak before.
i dont think he's had it like this, not with me anyway.



i think my cut's gonna scar.
i hope not.





and music.
i cant listen to love songs.



it hurts to hear louise talk about him.





everything about my life this year has been about him.
since april.
i cant even remember what i was like before then.





he doesnt love me.
he may care about me enough to not want to hurt my feelings.
but thats it.





i dont know if it's a good or bad thing that he doesnt.
good because i can try and get over it.
bad because it hurts.





i decided on a clean break.
ouch.



muse.
they're safe.
my personal haven.
and fall out boy.
thank god for their pointless songs that noone can understand.





short term, i breathe, eat, drink, sleep, be brave.
long term, i cant see what's gonna happen.
and i dont like being blind.
its worrying.





i was right.
i told them i was gonna end up malicious.
i am.
im sorry scot for being nasty.
get on with your life.
noone deserves me as such a burden.





but ill find someone else to burden with my problems.
thats inevitable.
im such a nasty person.
i dont mean to be.





i guess this is my just dessert.
yey.

p.s. here come the tears..

Love bipolar..

Yeah i'm listening to Katy Perry - Hot and Cold (Y)

Uggh.

Well, me and Josh broke up. D;

bleurgh.

Last night was pretty awesome (Y)
Apart from breaking up obvs.
But me and Jee (Jess H) went down to the park and met up with Jess T, Annie, Lauretta, Scot and later Lou and Jo came down. (Y)
Was bloody funny!!
Annie drunk is SOOOOO funny!! :L

Then Josh came to the park cause he'd gone on my facebook and seen some emails that me and Scot had sent each other. :/
Scot's fell out with me now cause he feels Jee has replaced him.
And atm, she has.
She's my little light in this big black hole.

Feel crap today.

Im wearing my pj top, shorts, smudged eyeliner, hair that looks like i've been dragged through several bushes (oo err) and tummy ache D;
Bleuurgh.

Anyway...got nothing else to write on this.
Im just not feeling anything at the mo.

Toodles,

Lora x

obtw, the pic is of me and jee.

I will never surrender :)

Hallooo darr spazzaloons ;D

Well many groovy things have happened recently.
:)

Went to Bibbs' t'other day.
Was so much fun to just hang out and eat pizza and mac cheese :D
And pineapples! ;)
Hahahaha :P ive missed that loon!!

Me and Josh had another fall out t'other day.
He called me annoying? :/
Nice or what? :L
Fortunately im over it now.
Im lovely like that ;) ^^

Went to see New Moon earlier ;D
Was SOOOO ace!!!!!!!
:P better than twlight!
Me and Lh were at the front of the queue, and as mutti gave the man the tickets, she shouted RUUUUN, and we did!!! :L we were first inside the theatre room and got first choice of seats!!! xD ahahahaha :P was tres amusing ;D

Oh, went shopping in notts today :)
Ended up getting mousse foundation, powder, mascara, a Bullet For My Valentines tee, a black (slightly see through) long sleeved tee (that lh also got! ;D) and some MITTENS! :D
Pink!!!
And knittedd!!!!! xD love them!! :P hahahahaha.

Todays been pretty darn fun tbh ;D
Me and Lh are just lounging around tomo probs :L
And hopefully dying my hair!! :P ahaha.

Sleeping over hers tomo too :)

College is pretty ace these days :)
I still miss school loads, but college is great ;D

Lh got into bilbs btw :)
Hehehe ;D

Right...tis all for now me thinks :)
Write again soooooon! :)

Toodles!!

Lora :) xx

Hurrah :)

Ahhh bonjour mon pallies ;)
Well today has been a larf and a half :D
Went round Josh's this afternoon and played on the wii with his sister until he got back from col.
Yeah i dont have col on fridays ^^ (h5)
Then we just chatted, watched scrubs, friends etc. ;D

My lovely mutti has tidied my roomy so now i can watch tele!!!
Haha :D
And she stuck my 3d poster of Twilight up ;)
Hurrah! :D
Ohh and she bought me these twi stickers especially for ds lite's that are now living on my ds :D
But i havent put the front one on because i didnt wanna cover up the heart i stuck on months ago ^^

Sooo i should be getting a new phone next weekend :)
Oooo and Lh is coming down on thursday!
She has her bilbs interview ;)
And we're (hopefully both) going to see New Moon :)
I defo am with muttidoodle, but Lh has to book the tickets yet!
Get phoning girl! :D

Went to Jodie's with Lou last night. :L
Scot wanted us to call for him..and we needed a brolley, so we did.
It was POURING it down! :O
Havent seen it rain so much in yonks!!!
But then we made him walk back in the rain by himself...
and stole his brolley ;)
......which we broke 5 minutes later!!
Hahahahahahaha :D
But later fixed!!!!! :D
Then Josh met us at Jodie's and we chit-chatted ^^

At my vatis tomoooo. :)
Hopefully going somewhere warm and dry!
LOL :)

Obtw i have a college trip to The Deep next wednesday ;)
Ahh next week is gonna be ace :D
Normal days Monday and Tuesday...
But a trip on wednesday...
And thursdays are always dead short ;D

Hurrah!

*yawn*
well im shattered...
And im only doing this blog because Wolf wanted me to yesterday. :L
www.scottysnippets.blogspot.com

Niiight loons ;)

Toodles!!

Lora :) xx

Supermassive Black Hole :)

Bonjour :)
Havent written to this in aaaages!! ;O
Aha..:P
How many days?
Hmm...
7 ;O LOL :D

Well it's been a really good half term :P
I am now ADDICTED to Muse :)
Supermassive Black Hole
Uprising
Hysteria
Plug In Baby
Guiding Light
LOVE THEM! :D

Annie came back to mine for a bit today :) she wanted a rattie cage as hers were fighting so i've lent her the hamster cagey :) aha.

So..half term..:)
Monday - Hmm...cant remember what i did! Hmm...:P
Tuesday - Went into Notts shopping with mutti :) she spilt my 7up cherry :/ and drank most of my milkshake! When i payed for it! And offered to buy her one!!! But she did buy me a blue hairbow and a blue sparkley beret :D then went to vati's, then he dropped me off at Lh's xD
Wednesday - I dont think me and Lh did a lot :L reckon that was the day we slept in til about 11ish and just lounged around til mutti picked us up to take us to Kirsty's :) then me, Lh and Kirsty all went round her dad's and met Ryan (Y) and played with her puppy :D sooo cute! Ryan is really funny :L and such a good sport seeing as we totally wrecked his bed! LOL! :D
Then Kirsty slept over mine with Lh :)
Thursday - Me, Lh and Kirst went into Derby for a spot of shopping :D was tres fun xD then we slept over mine again :P
Friday - Dragged our butts out of bed, cant actually remember what we did :L i dont think it was a lot tbh xD then slept over Lh's
Saturday - Finally got up at about 1.30pm :L LOL! Went back to mine and me, Lh and Bibbs had a funky sleepover :D
Sunday - Bibbs went early in the morning and we met Russ at Tescooo to drop Lh off. :(

It seems SO weird not seeing her everyday now! I miss her! And i only saw her yesterday!!! LOL! Seems like about Tuesday already xD hahaha. :P

Tonight Josh came round for teaaa :) i haven't seen him at all this week 'cause he went on holiday!! :( tut. C'est tres tres gai.

Hmm..tomo should be adequately boring me thinks :L
Got Farming and Livestock, IOLP, Ritaaaaa for Behaviour (i think) and Health.
But Becky's left now! :/ gahh.
Today was actually fairly good :) blodge was boring, obvs. :L
But Handling and Husbandry Theory was good because we held the ratties and mice :D
And a mad gerbil attacked me! LOL!!!

Have finished the assignment in for tomo so don't need to worry about it now :) wooo! :L aha.
But need to find a way to get it to college..hmm..i soooo need a memory stick!! D;

Right now chums :) i'm off me thinks. :D
Btw, all of you lot listen to Muse ;)
They are AWESOME!!!! :D

Toodles!!

Lora :) xx

Ferrets ♥

Bonjour :)
Wowza...havent - *atchoo!!* - ..bless me :P as i was saying..haven't wrote a blog in aaages! ;O looool :P

Haven't been doing too much tbh.
Went to the fair :D that was v.fun! (Y)
Wednesday went down with just Josh and went on High Roller. :)
Then went down Thursday with Lou and Hannah and went on Top Buzz and nearly threw up. :L
Then went Friday and slept over Lou's. Went down with Lou, Josh and Micheal. Went on Waltzers (they were actually really really good!! :D), Top Buzz, Waltzers and me and Bibbs went on the Carousel ;) ohh yess. :P

Was v.fun. :)
Me and Bibbs went back to hers and we watched St Trinians..which i left there by accident :P ahaha..and then we talked about various things til about 1am. xD

Yesterday went to Dad's and was walking around garden centres.
Today finally dragged my butt out of bed at 10.30 and lounged in pjs til 12.30ish :L then me and mutti went to look for a ferret cage, but the shop was closed. Ended up going to the garden centre and went out for a meal. :) had a carvery..nom nom nom! ♥

Listening to Muse - Uprising xD i have it on my phone!! Yeya! :D

Josh has gone on holiday now. He's in Wales. (Y) Mt Snowdon..thrilling times.
I've been to that part of Wales..it was wet, cold and yuck.
But he's a little rich boy, so instead of camping which i have to endure everyyear, he's in a cottage......with a jacuzzi. : tut. He should try coming camping with me sometime! D; ..infact no..i look right rough on holiday. :L

We might be getting ferrets this week :D
We're gonna try and order a cage on Tuesday if it's cheap..i hope it wont take long!! ♥
Hmm..might ask mutti if we can nip to Pets At Home on friday, the one that Jess H works at ;D 'cause i know she works fridays :L ahaha :P they sometimes have ferrets in there. :)

Hmm..ought to think of some ferret names. :)
I want a lighter coloured one, and im not too bothered about the other colour. :)
Omgosh, if i get an albino, sooo tempted to call it Satan. xD hahahahahaha :P
Then if any Jehovah's Witnesses came knocking, i'd take him to the door and ask them to 'kinda hold Satan' while i go get a pen :P hahahahahahahahaha :D

♫ i felt the air rise up in me! ♫
Slipknot - Wait and Bleed. :) awesome song!! xD

Hmm......*ponders*
If i get jills, i wanna call one Nala. :D i like that name. ♥
But if i get hobs...i like the name Olly :D hahaha :P

Off now ;)

Toodles!

Lora :) xx

Dirrty Betch ;)

Im gonna kill Annie for getting "dirrty betch" stuck in my head :L
Ive managed to get it stuck in Josh's head now though so it's all good. ^_^

Had a good day at coll :D
Even if we did muck out the pigs and chickens this morning D; uggh.
Boorrrinngg and smelly!
Had a bath though :) tehe.

Breeding and Genetics was SO funny!
Me, Annie and Pugface (Lois) sending each other random questions. :P
They sent me 2 sides of A4 worth once ;O took me ages to do it! Then they tippexed it out and sent it back!! Ahahaha :D

Josh came over for tea tonight :)
I cooked. (good god!)
We're gonna go shopping on Saturday ^_^
Need to let Lh know mind :L haha.
She may wanna come along..ill talk to Josh about it. :P

No college tomo :)
Gotta get the rest of my assignment sorted though. (N)
Shouldnt take too long. :)
And i get a lie in for as long as i like xD
So i probs wont get out of bed til about 11am. :P

Sleeping over Lh's tomo night too :D
Yey. ♥

Fair next week xD eep!
Gonna be aaaace. :)

Im listening to Lily Allen - I Could Say. ♫
Never heard it, but its on my ipod. :L
Have changed it to Pink - Stupid Girls :P
Mwa ha ha.

Im in a rather good mood atm ^_^
Has been a good day. :)

That's all for now folks ;)

Toodles!

Lora :) xx

Hostile faces.

Hmm..my face looks strangely hostile and unfriendly today.
I lost weight. ^_^ that might be why it looks different.
Yippee, i can be a fat happy girl, or a skinny bitch. :P
Im on a 1000 calorie diet you see. :) (Y)
I want to lose a stone. :) infact, maybe even 2 stone. :D

..i dont know how she managed to believe it was a graze? Hah. :P

Moving on.. O.o

Saw Bibbs today. :) went round hers at 3pm after posting a letter. :)
Had a good day really. :D went to Vicki Park til 5, then played on The Sims. :P
Haha. :D haven't been on that in a while and was nice to just relax again. ♥

Lh posted a FB status saying she was on her way to her vati's appa?
So i told her to phone me before 10 or i'll phone her.
I may phone her when ive written this though. :L
I dunno why she's down here? She has school tomo!
Hmm..family, me thinks.

Not too much kicked off recently.
Though Josh has been funny with me all week and it's started to wear me down now.
:/ uggh.

Times are changing.
For the better?

Toodles,

Lora :) xx

Misery Business..

Bonjourno :)
Well yes indeedy im still ill. D;
Feel slightly better, though my throat still kills, im still coughing my guts up and ive got a headache :(
I want chippy tea :( but mutti wont let me as she says ill be sick.....which i probably would be!! Lol :P
She's going out for a meal tonight, lucky thing :/ i wanna go D; boo.
So im stuck in on my owny AGAIN :( *sigh*
Cba to read Twilight atm! Im gonna try and finish it tonight cause i wanna move onto New Moon. :)
And if i dont, then ive still got tomorrow off too!! :L

Might try and meet up with Josh tomo evening...depending on how bad i feel. Lol. :)
Gonna have a shower tonight..im BOILING and my hair is absolutely mad!! D;

Hmm..ive got really chubby cheeks.

Not too sure what to write atm. :L
Read Bibbs' blog a min ago.
Mentioned when she and Josh went down to the bottom of the garden and talked.
Appa he opened up to her? *shrugs* ill ask her about it when i can. :L
She has to tell me everything. :) mwa ha ha. ♥ ill force her at gunpoint fingerpoint ;)

Ooo..messing around with the html :L

I loooove this song :)
Pink - Sober ♫

Dum de dum...♪

Watched Juno today. :)
It's a really terrible movie :L
Though i've watched it at least 5 times..so it actually gets better each time you watch it :P
Haha. ♥ weird or what?

Off now..

Toodles!!

Lora :) xx

Mannequin. :) ♫

Bonjour thar. :)
Well..im ill! D;
Stupid Lh gave me her bloody cold/virusy thing!! :(
So i was off college yesterday, tried to go in today but couldn't stay, felt terrible. And im not going tomo either 'cause we're doing practical and there's no way ill be able to do that. :L

Listening to Lh's Katy Perry cd atm :) ooo mannequin is finished...what's on now?...Ur So Gay. :P ♥
Hahaha..love this song ;)

This weekend was pretty groovy tbh ;D
Met up with Lh saturday, she was ill though, bless.
So we went uptown and to perk her up, we bought energy drinks. :)
We briefly (brief..lol!!) met Josh to steal his hair gel (mwa ha ha) and went to get Jo a prezzy and card. :)
We spent ages looking for cards :L hahaha, they were funny though xD
So then we got back to her's at about 2pmish, and i went for a shower, then so did she and we both started getting ready :) ill put some of the pics on here ;)
Yes yes, my outfit was EXTREMELY slutty :L as all of my college friends said today!! Hmph. :P
And I DO NOT LOOK LIKE ROSIE WEBSTER OFF CORRO!!!!

People who have said i do: Annie, Dwayne, Jess H, Jess T, Lois, Mutti, Phil, Nanny, Lh, Andrew.
People who have said i do not: ....me. :L

Hmm...worrying!! :P hahaha.

Anyway..so the party was ace :D
Me and Lh got dropped off (after posing for a few...hundred...million photos) at Bibbs' by her vati, then me, Lh and Bibbs walked to Jo's :)
We passed Josh and his mutti near Tesco island.
The look on her face when she saw how short my dress is was rather comical :L hmm...maybe i wear it with leggings in the future rather than stockings? :P

So anyway..we got there, and we were the first lot there :) as we were 10 mins earlier :L
Watched Jo finish getting ready and we all went downstairs. :)
I think Josh arrived next, then Shaun, then Lucy and her bf Dale. :)
We all danced to Strictly Come Dancing and did some really cheesy dances :P
There was even a pinata! And Lucy managed to scratch the mirror!! HAHAHA xD
That was just so funny :L :L :L :L
I managed to get the pinata on the floor :) but noone except Jo with her heel could break it!! LOL :P

Everyone got a bit drunk, took some rather unattractive pics, i played with some ferrets, and had a good time ;D me and Bibbs attacked Dale/David with various soaps, sprays and creams from Jo's selection :P mwa ha ha.
So basically, we trashed her room xD fun though ♥

Went to sleep at about 5am thanks to Josh making me stay awake. He woke me up at about 6ish by moving sofa's. Then slept til about 10ish. :)
Didn't go to my vati's..went with mutti to see ynnan. :)

Hmm...next week is gonna be pretty groovy tbh ;D
Monday - normal day at college..urgh..but monday's arent too bad :)
Tuesday - Doctor's app and college.
Wednesday - White post farm trip with col!!!
Thursday - Best day of col because we have practicaaaaaaaal :D
Friday - Probably going to the fair :D eeeeeek xD xD and Lh might go. :P

Might go to Bibbs' Sunday :) havent seen her in a few days :L haha :)
She wants to phone me tonight, but i think i'll probs go to A.Jan's as i feel a bit better...depends on what mutti thinks tbh. Might stay home. Hmm.

Wow ive wrote loads for once!! Hahaha :D
I would have done a blog yesterday but i felt rubbish and just wanted to lay down on the sofa all day.
Still feel crappy, but i dont wanna lay down again.

Off now. :)
Ill try and write again tomo ;D

Toodles!!

Lora :) xx