the original whorechild.

jeepers creepers, i haven't written on this properly in aaaages man :o

thought i'd treat all you little bloggers to a post (y)
mainly because a miss Ellie Martin told me to a few weeks back at George's party ><>

so im going to the doctors tomorrow...funfun.
mum tried to book me into counselling but you have to get a doc's referral first or something...
so it's gonna be larfs all round tomo...
not looking forward to it at alll.
i love my doctor..but when i tried to talk to him about my mirror phobia before, he just gave me such a look..urgh....-cringe-

i think there's an moth in my pants....D:

saturday..hmm...OH it's nanny's birthday :) so myself, my nanny (obvs), Arwah, my Uncle Mike, my mum and my mum's boyfriend are going out for a meal :) a carvery...of course.
i don't even like carverys all that much? :<..>

sunday ill be at my daddyooooo's. hopefully picking up my prezzys..tho im not too hopeful as on Tuesday he asked what i wanted...o____o...7 days before Father? ragh!

monday, im appa meeting Annie and Jee in Derby at around 2pm to pick 'em up. charmin, i have to pay to go and pick them up, despite them knowing how to get to mine? xD plus Jee never meets me in chez >___> cheeky sod.
nvm, i dont mind that much. i'd just get bored and fidgety waiting for them anyhoo :L

need to arrange when Bibbs is gonna get to mine also...and K's coming sometime in the evening i reckon?
then...sleepoveeeerrrrrrr!!!! :D

tuesday, my birthday! ♥ woowoowoo.
17...scary man. :
16 was bad 'nuff D:
you can't be immature at 17.....:L

btyh, im really happy with my muvverrr (y) she's kindly agreed to sleepover her boyf's monday and tuesday so i have 'nuff room for people sleeping...and she's buying some drinks :o which i wasnt expecting her to do! ...hmm..need to force her to take me shopping tomo...i wanted some pink and black stripey tights...god knows where im gonna find them!!! >_<..

...hmmm...noone's talking now :L

sometimes it feels like everyone is ganging up on me...
everyone's so desperate to talk to me about my "problem" with SH...everyone wants to know why and all the reasons......and literally everyone is getting involved.
my mum, my dad, my boyfriend's mother???!! my auntie, my cousin, my best friends..now my doctor..then a counsellor....aaarghhhhhhh.
but noone understands?
well..some people do...
Jee does.
and i know Mali does..but i don't talk to her often so it doesn't count really.
i just wish everyone would get off my back a bit.
Bibbs and Lh are 'worried' or w.e.
ditto my 'rents.
ditto EVERYONE.
it's like it's a new thing..a new occurance...
like it hasn't been going on for months....11 of them infact..
and it's only just kicking off..and i don't like it.
if it was so bad..i wouldn't be happily..ish.....sitting at the computer now.
it's been overexaggerated and it's just making it worse.
im only not now because there's so many people 'keeping an eye on me' that it's not worth being found out....

everyone tells me they're disappointed in me, or begs me to stop, or tells other people that i've changed and they want the old me back.....

i understand that everyone is upset about it....but what about me?
don't they think it doesn't hurt me to know they've been saying that?
to know they're disappointed or worried and begging me to stop.
or saying to my family that i've changed....beyond recognition?
IM STILL HERE.
........
im just a little different.

it's my body.
it's my life.
ill tell who i want.
just leave me be....

it's not even that bad...i don't usually do it everyday....only when im going through a rough patch.
it isn't seriously injuring me.
hardly scarring me..
only sometimes.
in 5 years, noone will know.

i don't have any reasons.
it's noone's fault.
it's only mine, and i accept full responsibilty.
so please everyone, stop trying to take that from me....
in the politest way possible, it's got nothing to do with you.

and just because i don't confide in you..doesn't mean i dont love you.
aimed at Lh and Bibbs.
you guys have been my best friends for years and years....9year and 6 years infact...
i owe both of you so so much....
but you don't understand..
and im glad you don't.
because i dont want you in my mess.
i don't want to drag you down with me!
im still here. ♥
i just can't tell you about it.... because you get upset..or angry....
and i can't be responsible for that....because it'll just make it a hundred times worse....

JeeJee, you seem to be the only person who understands me these days...though you still don't understand 100%.
but if i don't..how can i expect anyone else?
thankyou so much for everything you've done.
♥

im gonna beat this....
i don't know how long it will take...
because i don't want to stop.
and i still need it.
my view of everything is probably 'clouded' or w.e.

-sigh-

pip pip xx

ggblo.....TUT....I FORGOT HOW MUCH OF A DOUCHE BLOGGER IS ON MOBILES-....IF I MAKE ANY MISYAKES-...MY BAD....AND NO..I CANT EVEN TAKE IT OUT OF CAPS?!!ANYHOO.....I HAVENT BEEN ON TGIS IS DONKS....*THIS IN DONKS..EVEN D:!!!   IVE DECIDED...IM ABSOLUTELY FUCKING SICK TO DEATH OF MEN...IM COMPLETELY DISTURVED...*DISTURVED..FROM TONIGHT :((....MSJFRUMSPKMTIPXMWKQURUOIWYXNAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

first in a while..

muse - neutron star collision

"Our love would be forever
And if we die, we die together
Well I, I said never
Cause our love would be forever"

just been singing that..xx

fucking finally.

about time, it just took me ages to load this :o
ugh i have got evil back ache :(
bloody assignments.

well ive done pass for breeding and genetics.
so that's something, lol.
tho im going for distinction so ive asked for an extension til thursday.
hopefully i wont get a scad..i'd like to get ema next week tah...

i hope jee gets up to date with hers.

well...hmm...i dunno what to say.
its not gonna be a good night.
i dont want to talk to anyone again.
noone try and comfort me please.
leave me be.

though noone will read this tonight probably.
hmm.

bye xx

....

wow, its amazing how fast this feeling of emptyness returns after Lh is gone.
...hmm..2 more weeks, then another weekend of relief.
though saying that, it fades around jee too.

im scared of what might happen tonight.
i dont know.

jee was meant to sleepover but the sunday service for buses FAIL majorly.

hmmmm.
i might get some coco pops later.
theres enough for a teeny bowl.

x

blahhh

life's fun with Lh :)
i'd forgotten how much fun.
i like this blissfulness.
lets hope it lasts!

xx

....ow.

fucking love.

in other news, i came 5th in the grand national.


guess whats gonna happen with me tonight.
yey.

im trying to hold it together. head is lighter than a feather. looks like im not getting better not getting better.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/missloraamy

wednesday 7th april.

it's about ten to seven. mum's work friends will be round in an hour for tea.
i had sausages, mash and mushy peas.
the mushy peas tasted really weird and made me feel sick.

ive got cloudy lemonade ♥

my party's got a theme now.
animals.
that should be fun.

im gonna try and convince/persuade jee to let me borrow/rent one of the outfits she has.
i think she's going as a bee :)
that's bound to be attractive. ;)

it shall be good.
im looking forward to it.

trying to meet up with izzy tomorrow, seeing as my mum is going out for lunch.
i really wanna go see how to train your dragon.
was meant to go see it today but i overslept.

i was up until about 2am just staring at my notebook though.
i wanted to draw/write something, but i couldn't think of any inspiration.

i havent done a lot today really.
but it's been alright.

there's a weird mist next to me coming from the incense stick.
it looks creepy :)

my hair so needs washing.

im gonna end up spending all of tonight in my room..seeing as i cant really go on the pc while they're eating (my pc is in the dining room).
i so need a laptop.

mum's nagging at me for washing up badly.
yep.
never mind ey.

was looking at mum's camera today. found some old pics from last year i never uploaded. :L
made me smile.

♥ xx

we're flying high, you know how i feel.

its a new dawn its a new day its a new life, for me.
and im feeling good.

halloooo. cant remember when i last wrote in here?
didnt check.

so much has cracked off.
and settled back down.
for now at least.

billy talent - pins and needles.
lh told me to listen to it and the lyrics make a lot of sense tbh!

this whole thing with jon.
...
i dont even know.


saturday night was amazing. :) :)
i love nightclubbing :D :D :D

xx